Right. Good morning, church. So thankful you're here today. So thankful we got to spend a little bit of time in worship already together. That was wonderful.

We did have a little bit of hiccup this week with our printing machine. And so you can pop up this next slide for me if y' all just want to look at the notes online. I promise you, I'm not just trying to push you digital. This is not like some kind of attempt. Something went wrong this week at the last minute.

And so you can see all the notes on the Church center app there. That'll help you. But if you just don't want to do that, well, just listen in. We're going to be in the book of Ephesians together today. We're going to be in Ephesians for the next couple of weeks in this series we've called Family Talk.

This is not only just about your personal family, but the family of God, what it looks like to be a good family that communicates well. How do we communicate well as a church? How do we communicate inside of our family system? This is hopefully going to be a very helpful and challenging sermon for some of you. In fact, we've titled this one the Challenge of Communication, which is correction.

Sometimes we have to correct others, sometimes we have to receive correction. I want to remind you the whole series is kind of based around Ephesians, chapter 4, verse 15, where it says, rather, speaking the truth in love. We are to grow up in every way into him who is the head into Christ. So what is our goal? Our goal is to look more like Jesus tomorrow than we do today.

That every moment we're trying to be more Christlike and follow him more closely. And part of what we're up to, at least in this section of Scripture, is what does it mean to speak truth to others in love? Now, last week we talked about the goal being like Christ, unity, oneness was kind of our whole topic last week. This week, we're going to address something that is kind of an unfortunate, necessary, and that is sometimes we get misalignment. Sometimes inside of our family, household, inside the home, we get some misalignment.

Certainly when you gather a larger group of people together, you're gonna get some friction at times. And what do we do about that? How do we handle that? Well, you know, the Bible isn't silent on this issue. It's got a lot to say about how to rightly handle conflict, how to reconcile, how to deal with unity.

The Bible has quite a bit to say, and certainly the Scripture we're gonna spend our time in today, I think, will help you if you'll. And yield to it, if you'll apply it to your life. And don't just be hearers of the Word, but be doers. And that's a key thing. So in families and in churches alike, conflict and the need for correction, they're inevitable.

Why are they inevitable? You might say, well, guess what? It's because you and I are imperfect. In fact, I might get it right today and then wake up tomorrow and be just in a different mind space. I may wake up on the wrong side of the bed, as we used to say.

Like, I might wake up with a crick in my neck or something and just not be in the best mood. And you might. Every day's a new challenge. We live in an imperfect world around imperfect people of which we are one. And so guess what will happen?

Conflict. It's inevitable. So how do we rightly manage it under the word of God and trying to follow after Christ. And so we need Christ desperately in every area of our life, certainly in our communication, certain. Certainly in the way that we give and receive correction.

Now, I read something interesting this week, and I'm still kind of curious as to whether this survey is even accurate. Barna does a lot of surveys in and around Christian circles. And in a recent survey, they found that many Christians admit the struggle of giving or receiving correction. In fact, they found that one out of four believers avoid difficult conversations to keep the peace. Now, I think that what I've discovered is it's higher than that.

One out of four seems low. I think some people taking the survey were like, yeah, I mean, I'll deal with people if I got to, because they're trying to sound good or whatever. I don't know. I feel like it's more like three out of four will kind of conflict, avoid to keep the peace, even though they know when Johnny does that, when Sally does that, it's not the best thing for them. But I don't want to make waves.

We have a tendency in Christian peace to not correct things that are actually very harmful for people. Now, that's one side of it. There's the other side of being a person who's just a truth teller constantly and lacks what the Bible might call seasoning. You just are really raw and difficult to face. So that's what I want to get around today, this idea of what does it mean to give and receive correction in the way that God would have us and the way he is.

And so Paul is Challenging us in this section of Scripture that real peace. Real peace does not come from avoiding problems. You've probably realized this already. I've found that the more you avoid a problem, the bigger it gets. They never seem to solve themselves, they just grow.

Whether it's in your communication or some other part of your life, it seems like things only deteriorate if not worked on and addressed. And so real peace comes in speaking and hearing the truth in love hearts that have been transformed by Christ. So I pray today's text would prepare you in this way, not just for the challenging piece of it, but also for the yielding to what God is doing in your life. That is, I pray, will be encouraging and pleasant. Alright, so here we are.

We're in Ephesians Paul's letter. Here he teaches believers that they can spiritually prepare themselves to truthfully give and receive correction. I think the text is written in almost a passive voice. You're going to see how this unpacks. And for that reason I think it gives three heart postures.

This is the way in which your heart should yield to God in such a way that it can be prepared to give and receive correction. So let's Read now. Ephesians 4, 17, 25. The Bible says, now this I say, and I testify in the Lord that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do. Gentiles being the nations outside of faith.

That's what he means here. In the futility of their minds, they are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them. Due to their hardness of heart, they have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learn Christ, assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life, and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness, holiness. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor.

For we are members one of another. This is God's word. Amen. I pray that this would be a blessing to you today because God desires that you would not only have peace in your life, but also have reconciled relationships, fruitful community. So there's three heart postures that we come approaching God with that can yield this kind of fruit.

These kinds of results here's the first one. The first heart posture is to have a tender heart. A tender heart that puts off the old self through Christ. Now men in the room, I know some of you are in here like, I don't want to be tender hearted. Hey, you need to shake that off right now because I want you to know something about the Savior of the world, Christ Jesus.

He had a tender heart towards you and you should be thankful for that because he overlooked your sin and died on a cross for your sake. That's a tender hearted man. There's some balance here where you can be strong, you can be courageous. It's not talking about weakness, it's talking about meekness. It's not talking about being discouraged, but bold, but having a tender heart.

This is the idea of the very opposite of what Paul has said here. That the reason that outsiders don't come into faith is because of a hardness in their hearts. They're unwilling to even let Christ pierce and be a part of what they're trying to discover in Him. They've hardened their hearts towards him. And so you'll see this in verses 17 through 19, this is what it looks like to not have a tender heart.

And then he goes on in verse 22 to say, but that is not what you've been called to. You've been called to put off that old self. The identity of the old self is hard hearted, unopened to Christ, unopened to the changes he might ask and make in your life. Hard towards obedience in Him. Our first heart posture is necessary.

You can't even do the rest of these until you do this first one. Until you're tender hearted before God and say, okay, it's really these words, not my will, but yours be done. This is the tender heart of the Savior. That now is our tender heart that puts off the old self. So in verse 22 he says, Put off the old self.

This is the former way of life. We just sang about this. I don't know, it's a fun song and I enjoy it and it gets in my head. It's kind of an earworm, you know. I'm going to be singing it the rest of the day.

Goodbye yesterday I'm dancing on the grave I was once in. But have you processed what that means? Or are you still trying to live like the old you? Because what you should be singing there is the old me has passed away. Behold, the new has come.

And so in Christ Jesus, I'm a new person. That means the hard heart itself. Who said, I'm just an angry, bitter kind of person. And that's how I've always been. I come from a family of angry people and bitter people.

When you consider our last name, you should consider this as angry people. Some of us approach life that way. It's how I was raised. It's how I've always been. It's how I've always note goodbye to the old self.

This is about being open hearted. The tender heart that says it's not okay, that I've always said, hey, this is who I've been. No, I'm moving past that now. He says, put it off because it was corrupt with deceitful desires. That's all there in verse 22.

Now, if you study verses 17 through 19. I spent way too much time this week on just that section of Scripture. It is boom, boom, boom, boom, various things that are part of the old self. Paul spends a lot of time here, I think, just in case some of you in the room would like to say, well, I don't really have to put off much. He gives us quite a laundry list.

Just in case you thought, you know, I'm probably okay. No, no, no, no. Let's look at the list. Futility of your minds. This is the idea of being vain or having a vanity about you.

This is the idea of having, he says, darkened in your understanding. That means the kind of person who says, you know, I've got this. I don't really. I know God said a lot in His Word, and I know he's got some desires for me, but, you know, I'm doing okay. I'm darkened in my understanding.

I'm alienated from Him. Ignorance. None of us in the room would want to say I'm ignorant. But there's some things that we put on display at times that show a certain level of ignorance because of a hardness of heart. Some of us have gotten to a place in verse 19 that we've become calloused.

He says, this is the idea in the Greek here of the word apathy. Have you gotten to such a place in one of your relationships where you just don't care anymore? I was doing good, Jonathan, until you brought that up and then you just put a face on it for me and I'm not okay anymore. I'm sorry. I want to help you see that you're part of what needs to happen here.

None of us are on the outside of the conversation. I come to this and go, all right, who am I being callous towards? Who am I no longer willing to let the Love of Christ flow through me too.

This Last 1, verse 19, it says, Greedy to practice every kind of impurity. I think all of us have some kind of struggle right there, that there's some kind of place where we just keep coming back to a temptation, keep coming back to something we've struggled with in the past. But in Christ Jesus, it says, put that off. You don't have to be that way anymore. This is like, totally opposite of what I said last week.

Paul uses this scripture in an earlier part of Ephesians 4, where he says, you should be eager to maintain the peace, eager to maintain the unity in opposition to that is someone who is greedy to practice impurity. They're hungry. They're desiring it.

God desires a tender heart, friends, one with a posture that's humble.

I'm confident that so many of us, the reason we never come to faith in Christ Jesus is because of a hard heart we look at. Maybe this is you today, and this isn't meant to offend you or to hurt you, but maybe you've come into the room today and the reason you never fully said yes to Jesus is not a lack of understanding. Maybe you get it. Yeah, there was a man named Jesus who died on the cross for me, rose from the grave. Maybe you get that mentally, but there's never been a point in your life where you said, I need that.

Personally, I don't know how else to say this. Some of us live as if we don't need a savior. And maybe that's you. Today. I want you to hear something, my friend.

We're not good enough. We're never gonna be. I don't know what kind of encouragement you wanted today. You're thinking, that's not very encouraging. I don't feel better.

I want to leave here feeling better. I want you to leave here feeling changed and transformed. I want to give you a better reality than what you think. Because the reality you may be thinking is if I could just keep improving myself, I'll have a better life. And that's not the gospel, my friend.

The gospel says I'm not enough, but Christ is. And when I walk in Him, I can be transformed. He empowers me to live better. It's about yielding. It's about submission.

It's not about, I gotta pick myself up. I've gotta do better. I've gotta try harder. No, I need the power of Christ in me to do those things well. I can't communicate well.

I want what I want. Guess what? I am. Church. Did you know this you probably are so surprised to hear.

I am a selfish person. Guess what? You are a selfish person. You all are. We all come out this way.

I've seen it. I've seen every little kid come out of the womb and start saying words and start doing things. That's what I've observed. Every one of them. So selfish.

Every single one. And so were your kids, and so were you growing up. And that thing is still in you that wants my way, not his way.

God desires a tender heart, one that would say, okay, God, I know I'm not enough, but you are more than enough. First Peter, chapter three, in fact, puts it this way. Finally, all of you have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart and a humble mind.

Pray in fact, as David once did. King David, he said in Psalm 139, Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out everything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Some of you, Church, I've heard this many times over the years.

I've heard people say, I really want to hear the Lord speak to me. I want him to speak to me in his word. I want to hear the voice of God. I would challenge you this week. Pray Psalm 139, starting at verse 23 to the Lord.

Search me, O God, and know my heart. Point out anything in me that offends you. Church, you want to hear God speak. I'm telling you, I can almost make you an 100% promise you're going to hear God speak.

My son, I've searched your heart and there's something here I want to talk about. Some of you don't want to pray this because he's going to speak. You've got this calloused heart about this thing. Jonathan, you don't want to give me. Why is it, brother?

Why is it, sister, you don't want to give me this thing?

There's this wonderful example from that, that man, King David, who wrote that psalm. There's this wonderful example of a man who was able to give and receive correction, maybe one of the hardest places in the Bible. You can read this story in second Samuel, chapter 12. It's a terrible, terrible tragedy. And David makes a lot of just terrible, terrible choices here.

At a time, the Bible says, at a time where he should have been at war with his troops, at a time it says when kings go off, off to war, David stayed home. So right away we were getting an indicator that David's not where he's supposed to be. He's home when he should be at work. And he looks out over his balcony and he sees a beautiful woman bathing. And I don't know what her prerogative was or if she knew that David had that angle that's neither here nor there.

But he calls and has her come to him and they mess up real bad. This is a married woman whose husband is doing the right thing. His name was Uriah. He's out at one, being a man of God. So David does this crazy grouping of things.

First, he has Uriah sent home to be with his wife. So that way, whatever mistakes David's made, maybe no one will know. But Uriah being again a good. The hero of this story is not David. It's Uriah, who stands outside and sleeps outside of his home and says to the people, I can't go in to be with her when the rest of my brothers in arms are out in the battlefield.

What a wonderful man. And so what does David do? He sends him to the front lines of the battle and has him basically killed.

No one really knows what's going on. David might even have thought, man, I got away with this one. Some of you think maybe God didn't see. Oh, he saw. In this particular occasion, God made.

Made a fool of David about this, sends the prophet Nathan in to tell this story about someone who's stolen something. And David like, totally, oh, man, this man should be killed. He should be executed. And Nathan says to him, you are that man.

And then tells him everything he knows. Oof.

What does David do about this? He has screwed up royally. He's had a man murdered. He's committed adultery. This is about as bad as you can sin before God.

And David could have just fell on his own sword. But that's not the tender heart of David.

God doesn't overlook your sin, friends. This is a wonderful story, in fact, that God, instead of overlooking your sin, restores you in your sin. It's better than you thought. It's not God saying, hey, you're good enough, you're fine the way you are. It's actually him saying, you have messed up, but I have paid for it.

Come and be reconciled to me. This is part of the story of David too, is that instead of running from this truth, he repents, he prays. Bathsheba becomes pregnant, and David prays for the child bitterly in ash, sackcloth and ashes. And God takes that child as punishment. But David's heart is tender towards God and repents of his Actions.

It's funny that the Bible says of David after stories like this, that the Bible says of him, he was a man after God's own heart. This is good news to you, believer. This is good news to you, friend, that you don't have to be perfect to enter the kingdom of heaven. In fact, the opposite is true. You just have to be honest.

You just have to come without the hardness of heart that says, I'm good enough in conversation. This is so helpful. If you want to know how to rightly give and receive correction, you have to come to it with a tender heart that desires peace, desires unity. Husbands and wives in the room. Let me just tell you.

I'll give you a little secret. If your objective is, and the next communication you're going to have is to win, you've lost already.

That's not your objective. But I'm right, Jonathan. I'm right about this. I don't care. You might be, but you're missing the bigger picture of communication, which isn't rightness, isn't winning.

It's unity, it's oneness in Christ. And if you're right about something, then your approach has to be with a tender heart. With a tender heart that maybe even comes with some of your own stuff and say, you know, I could have handled this better too. But I just want you to see how this hurt me. I just want you to see how this is affecting us.

Come with courage, but tenderness.

This illustration kind of came to my mind, this idea that I think one of the things I'm doing well and I mess up all the time as a husband and as a father, it is a difficult task. I'll just be honest with you. And you know this already, moms and dads in the room and husbands and wives, but people in general, it's just. It can be difficult to always approach communication with peace, with unity in mind. But I think one thing I do well at times is that I confess sin, even with my kids.

I want you to know something, parents. I don't think this is a mistake to do this. It's not just healthy to tell your husband or your wife, hey, I messed up here. Would you forgive me? I think it's also very helpful with your children to say I got overly angry about this and I don't want you to see that that is not the approach I want to have with you.

Would you forgive me of that? Now, what you did was wrong, but my response to it was also wrong.

I want to create children who will actually apologize for wrongdoings this is going to be a sharp pill to swallow. But some of you in the room don't know how to say I'm sorry. You don't know how. No one's ever told you to do it. You didn't grow up with it.

You never saw your parents do it. You don't know how to say, I'm sorry. I don't want to raise kids like that because guess what? I make mistakes and so do you. It's okay that every once in a while I say I'm sorry.

That's about having this tender heart that's quick to repent, not quick to correct.

Maybe I've. I almost wonder at times if I've gone too far with this to where at times maybe someone said something harsh to me or something's gone wrong where maybe I was actually wronged. But I'm often thinking, but what was my part to play in this? Where did I screw up to cause this to happen? I think that's a healthy approach.

Maybe you could take it too far, but generally I don't think that's the case. I don't think that's the case with most people where we're normally quick to anger and slow to listen, quick to correct, slow to repent. Ask yourselves this before correcting others. Have I taken the steps to put off all my pride, to put off all my anger, to try to put off all hypocrisy? This is why Jesus, he says, hey, don't come to somebody talking about the speck in their eye when you got a log in yours.

Just realize people are generally pretty aware of these things. You come saying, hey, you need to do better on this at work. And they go, yeah, but you never come on time. It's like you take long lunch breaks, you're a hot mess, you're one to talk, to come tell me something I'm doing wrong. That means part of what I'm doing when I come in communication is I'm looking at, I'm praying this prayer.

Search me, O God, know what's going on in me. Help me to throw off pride, anger. And maybe now when I approach my wife, my kids, my co workers, my church family, I go, hey, look, I see something here. And I already know my flaws in this area. I'm gonna go ahead and nip that in the bud.

I'm gonna say, hey, look, I know I've made some mistakes in this spot, but I believe you can do better. You come without some sort of pride and hypocrisy. The second thing, you have to have a tender heart. The second heart posture is to have a teachable heart that is renewed by the spirit of Christ. So there's these three passive things right here in the middle of our text today where he says, put off, be renewed, and put on.

And that's really what we're playing with in this whole scripture. And it has to do with being renewed in the spirit of your mind, as it puts it here, has to do with having the kind of yielding approach to God first and then perhaps that to others. So this is the idea, I think, of having a heart that's not just tender and open, but also correctable, teachable, that you don't have it all figured out all the time. The second heart posture is teachable, being renewed.

He says something I think is kind of a joke here. I didn't hear anybody laugh when I read it, so maybe you don't think so. But in verse 20 through 21, Paul writes to the church at Ephesus. That is not the way you learn Christ. Assuming you've heard about him.

I think he's taken a little bitty shot. I don't know if you're okay with this, but I think every once in a while the gospel writers, the writers of the New Testament have a little bit of sarcasm. There's just a little bit, I think Jesus, hey, hopefully this doesn't mess with your whole theory of Jesus. I think sometimes he's hilarious, sometimes he's sarcastic, sometimes he says some stuff that's kind of off putting. And here Paul is saying, that is not the way that you should be living in Christ.

Assuming you've heard about him. Have you guys? Hey, church of Ephesus. Hey, Eastgate Church, you heard about this Jesus? Because if you're living like you used to live, it seems like you haven't heard of him.

Let me tell you about him. And notice he says important things here. He says, not the way you learned Christ, not the way you learned about Christ. This almost looks like bad English at first. It is not.

He's trying to make the point that when we come to Christ Jesus, when we learn about him, when we come into the faith, it's not about head knowledge. It's not, hey, have I learned more about Jesus? No, it's have I learned Jesus? Have I gotten to know Him? He's not a book of information.

Although there's a lot about him biblically, historically, you can learn a ton about Jesus. There are people all over the world right now who do not believe in Christ Jesus for salvation, who know a whole lot about him. He says that's not the way you've learned Christ. He said if you know him, if you really know him, you'd be renewed. You'd turn your mind and your heart over to him.

You would yield to this and be transformed to this. Now, just in case, I don't know if this was Paul's objective here, but just in case you haven't heard about this Jesus or you haven't heard the full picture about this Jesus, let me take a moment just to tell you who this is. This Jesus is the Son of God, the Messiah who died on a cross for your sin and mine and rose from the grave and is alive today. He is active. He is doing phenomenal things in my life and your life.

He is at work in the modern present day and he will come again and take us all home. This is Christ. And guess what else? He doesn't want to just be Lord of a few things in your life. He wants to be Lord of all things in your life.

He desires that you would open every single closet in your house and say, hey, you can come in here too. Hey. Yeah, this is an old area. I'm sad that you got to see this, Jesus, but this is where I have been an addict. I'm sorry you got to see this Jesus.

This is where I've been not treating my husband, my wife well. Look in here, too, Lord. This is where I am kind of not a good worker. I cut corners. This is an area where I'm lazy.

Look at this.

I don't really want to do all this stuff, Jonathan. If I give him all of those things, isn't he going to want to, like, change some of this stuff? Yeah, absolutely. You're confused about the premise a little bit here.

You're thinking that if he changes it, life's going to get harder. He says, rest for the weary. Take my yoke upon you, for my burden is light. Rest in me. Christ.

Jesus says, and there's a better purpose. There's a peace there that you can't experience apart from Christ.

Teachability, a heart open that's transformed by the renewing of your mind. Paul says this In Romans, chapter 12. He says, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. That by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. The righteous.

This is such a wonderful verse I discovered again this week as I'm in my study. I came across this verse in Proverbs chapter 9. And this is just true, this is true of life and I pray that it will impact the way you live. Proverbs 9, it says, don't bother correcting mockers, they will only hate you, but correct the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be even wiser.

Teach the righteous and they will learn even more. Now how does this actually play out? Well, I think this has less to do with like your close knit family because you can't just like walk away from that. I think you need to work that out. It's kind of hard to just walk away from people that you are literally related to, although some of you have had to choose that hard reality.

But I think this applies more to people you deal with out at work and in various environments where you'll meet some people. And Christ kind of puts it this way, that there are certain people of peace that if they're willing to hear you, then go into their house and speak with them more. Now he there is talking about the Gospel presentation, but I think the same applies here that some people, when you try to correct them, will mock you for it and will hate you all the more for it. Those are the kind of people where you just say, I'm not going to do that anymore. And I think you have full permission to do that.

Like I'm not going to waste, as Jesus so richly puts it, I'm not going to cast my pearls before swine. If they're going to act like pigs about it every time I give them good, helpful information, I'm not going to give that anymore. But to the wise, I will instruct them, I will correct them.

This is wonderful news for us as believers that I think there is an opportunity inside of this church, inside the unity of faith, where we can say, hey, I'm so glad that you're walking with Christ, but I see something here that you need to turn that over to him too. There's something here. There's a rock unturned in your life. Let's look in there too and hand that to him. Well, as, as well be transformed.

And those in Christ Jesus, the wise, the righteous, they will grow even more. They will love you all the more.

I don't know if this has happened to you yet, but if you've ever had a dear, close friend that loved you enough to tell you the truth about something, you need to change, you just know how refreshing that can be. At first it stings. I get that maybe it's some area where you've handled something very poorly. But when you have a good friend, a trusted friend, tell you the hard truth, it's refreshing. And to know also that this is a person who will be with you, will pray with you, will guide you, will counsel you and say, hey, look, I'm not just trying to belittle you here.

Look, I have battles too, that I want you to hold me accountable for. But look, on this thing, I'm praying for you. And you can call me and we can talk about how this is going, the troubles you're having with your budget, your marriage at work, the troubles you're having in your parenting. Look, I see it, I hear you, and I'm here for you. Now that's a good friend.

That's a real friend that says, I'm not overlooking your mistakes. Instead, I'm saying, in the power of Christ Jesus, I'm going to correct you on these things and pray for you and hope for and guide and be with you. You. There's stories like this all throughout Scripture. One of my favorite places, this is in the book of Acts, chapter 18, 24 through 26.

I'm not going to read the story, but there's this gifted man that starts becoming famous in and around Paul's circles. He's apparently a very gifted teacher and preacher. His name's Apollos, he's got a Greek name, but he's a man of God, has spoken very well of in the New Testament. But there's this interesting place in Acts, chapter 18 where it says that these two, this probably older couple named Priscilla and Aquila, spent time teaching him. In fact, it says that he humbly received correction from them.

So here's this gifted, probably younger man. He's obviously got a teaching gift, a preaching gift, but still able to humble himself and receive instruction from this couple. There's many stories like this. I just find it. I find it great when I can find people in my life that care enough about me to tell me gospel centered truth that won't say, and y' all have got friends like this already.

You've got probably almost 100% of your friends are already this way. They'll say, hey man, do what you got to do. I think, you know, I'm thinking about leaving my wife and then some friend of yours that says, hey man, you got to do what you got to do. If she's making you unhappy, you leave.

I want that friend that'll say, what? What are you considering doing? Because you claim to be a part of the body of Christ Right. That's the claim you're making. It says very plainly in the book of Malachi that God hates divorce, that he desires reconciliation.

Now, I know some of you have been through some difficult things and been through this horrible thing, but in Christ Jesus, I think it's the last resort. It's the last resort. A good friend of God would say, all right, well, let's talk about it, okay? Why are you feeling this way? I'm confident in this church that two believers, two people who are following Christ, can make this thing work.

I don't care what they've had happen. I don't care if it's infidelity. I don't care what level of brokenness you've experienced. God can save your marriage. He can.

If both of you will decide. In Christ Jesus, we are one. We love him enough to try to work on this right now or we can't stand each other. That's where we're at. Okay?

But God can mend all hearts. He can heal this. He can work through this. So the right answer to a friend who says, I think I'm just gonna walk out. I'm gonna walk away.

I think I'm gonna quit my job. I think I'm gonna kick my son out of the house. I'm gonna. You know, whatever these extreme cases are, a good friend, a holy man of God, a holy woman of God, a dear brother or sister would say, hey, hold on, let's talk about this for a little while. Rather than just say what everybody wants to say.

Hey, man, you gotta do what you gotta do. What kind of advice is that? What kind of advice is that? A teachable heart that gives and receives correction. Now, around here, we have a terrible acronym when it comes to people that we're looking at for leadership.

Some of you know this acronym already. It's terrible. It's going to offend some people. The acronym is fat. We're looking for FAT leaders.

Like, okay, some of you are like, got it. Look past the surface. Look past the surface. It means faithful, available, and teachable. And those are not in order of priority, friends.

And my opinion, teachable is the most important because teachable indicates a few things. It indicates humility, which I think you can't be a good leader without humility. It indicates growth. I'm willing to be better. A good leader is looking to grow.

And it also indicates a level of trust that if we don't have trust together, how could we possibly work together? So faithful, available, teachable. Are you teachable or are you defensive? Every time somebody tries to bring a correction your way, you're like putting up keeping them at arm's length. Here's the third.

Tenderhearted, teachable heart and a truthful heart.

Not only are these three hearts, they're three T's. It's because I love you so much. I want you to be able to remember things like this. It's not just like sermony month mumbo jumbo. All right?

Tender, teachable, truthful. Maybe. Maybe you'll remember this on Monday morning. All right, that's my hope. Do I have a heart that's truthful?

A posture that's putting on the new self created, as it says, in the likeness of God and true righteousness and holiness. And then he ends it this way. He says in verse 25, so put away falsehood. I feel like the translators are trying here to make this, like, not as sharp as it could be. And I'm not sure why they made this choice.

Most of them put it this way, put away falsehood. This word in the Greek is the word pseudos. It really means a lie. In fact, the Strong's dictionary says it's a conscious and intentional lie. He says, so Christians, when you put on the new self, guess what should go away?

Your intentional lying.

Maybe it starts in the mirror. Some of you just keep telling this lie where you don't admit sin, you don't admit brokenness, you don't come clean before there's like a thousand different closets in the house that you've not turned over to God. A lot of different rocks under turned. So maybe that's the beginning of the falsehood that you're living in. But then there's this whole atmosphere.

Is my life like, filled with falsehood, with lies. Do people I work with, do they even know I walk with Jesus? Do they even know? Or does my life just look like something else, something foreign? He says, put this away instead.

Speak the truth, for you are members, one of another. This word members has to do with like limbs in the human body. He's back to that kind of illustration. So speak truth, then seek peace. This is a biblical idea.

It's not just appearing suddenly in the New Testament. I found this this week in Zechariah, chapter 8. We preached this some time ago. It says, these are the things that you shall do, Spirit. Speak the truth to one another.

Render in your gates judgments that are true, and make for peace. Please, church, I don't know what else to ask for today other than can we be the kind of people who tell each Other the truth in love. Very carefully. I put in love in there, as Paul does, because, hey, we could get really good at speaking the truth. We could get great at that.

I said this last week. This is a very helpful thought. That truth without love is harsh, but love without truth is hollow. But truth in love is holiness, is healing.

So could we be this kind of church that doesn't lie to each other, that doesn't look dead at someone's sin and say, you got to do what you got to do? That's not. That's not the church. That's the world. As Paul puts it.

That's how the Gentiles do life. You can expect that at the workplace. Some of you are probably not going to tell me anything anymore. I don't blame you, because if you tell me, I'm going to say, can we talk about that more? Why are you going that route?

Why are you making that decision? My prayer is that we would be the kind of place that we love each other and care for each other enough to speak truth, that we don't lie to each other and say, it's going to be okay.

The new self is in the image of the Creator, and it speaks truth. It's put very plainly in Colossians 3. It says simply this. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator. Stop lying to one another.

This one's really helpful. I think the truthful heart. Really helpful in every relationship, but it's extremely helpful in marriage. The purpose of this series isn't to just focus on the family, but to focus on the family of God, but also how that might help your personal family. There are some things we're doing in the house that aren't really what you would call truthful things.

And I bet some of these things are happening in your house. Things like rhetorical questions. I think it might have been you, brother Rich. We were talking this week. You gave me a good one, so I'm going to use it.

But there was a. I don't know if this was Barbara. So if this was you, Rich told me this, it's on him. But he was telling me a story about some lady that looks out the window and goes, man, the grass looks long.

Anybody else catching that? Anybody catching that? Is that good communication? No, it's passive aggressive.

I'm the kind of guy that. That would get pretty spicy. That would get hot, right?

You look capable.

You Ever worked a mower?

Is that man's. Is that man's work now? I thought we. Are we differentiating like that? Cause I cooked last night.

So how are we? Y' all are like, oh, I don't like anything Jonathan's saying right now. I'm mad at him big time. Cool, cool. We're getting.

We're working on it, right?

I thought we were on a team.

I can't get to this today, but it really needs to get done. Honey, you have time for this?

I'm going to be working all day. Honey, there's no way I'm going to be able to cook tonight if you can't either. We're going to have to eat out. Let's just work together. That's better communication rather than saying, grass looks long.

Well, go sit down, honey, so I can go mow the yard. I mean, that's wild. That's wild to me. But we have this in our house, too. I don't know if my wife gets frustrated about this or not.

Maybe I could communicate better. I'm always willing to say, there's part of this that's on me. And look, just in general, I'll say this in general, I think women communicate more. Therefore there's a certain level where they do better. Now sometimes they just over communicate and it's confusing and it's clutter.

It's just clutter. I'm sorry. For a man, sometimes it's difficult to weed through it. But generally men have the opposite problem. We don't communicate at all or enough, and so no one knows what the expectations are.

We have this thing at my house and I didn't pick up on it for like probably the first decade of our marriage where she was dropping hints. And I just. I'm very, dude, like just like very compartmentalized and very focused, and I'm good at things as a result of that. There are strengths in that, but there are big weaknesses, too. So she'd be dropping hints.

Now I do this thing and I'm like. When she says something rhetorical like that, hey, you know, I gotta go get this sign in the yard today, and I don't know how I'm gonna get it in the yard.

What does that mean?

I tell her this now and you're going to think, man, you're kind of rude. And maybe I am. And I'm going to work on this. If I am, I'm going to talk to her over lunch about this for sure. Because it dawned on me as I was studying this week like, maybe I'm being rude about this, But I will often say something like, is there an implied task here?

Because I'm not getting it. You've yet to ask a question. Is there an implied task here? Maybe that's rude. I'm sure I could say that better.

But my wife could also say, hey, honey, there's no way I'm getting this sign in the yard today. You got time to come help me do this because the soil is hard out at this place. Now, that works for me. That was an actual question. Y' all are thinking, man, my house is going better than the pastors.

My marriage is solid.

Don't. Nah, y' all ain't fooling me. Y' all ain't fooling me when you. We argue about the craziest stuff every couple does. But a truthful heart communicates in such a way that the truth is foot forward.

You say, hey, these are my expectations. This is what I desire. Hey, women, you can do your husbands a huge favor. Wives, hear me. Stop dropping hints and start just saying it.

Just say it. Oh, but that. But he should be able to guess. He's never gonna guess. It's not how his brain works.

That's not fair to him. Now, husbands, hey, ears open. Tune in. Stop zoning out. Watch.

You heard the first part. Whoever just said that, you heard the first part, right? Say the truth.

Honey, I want to go on a date this Friday night. Gotcha. But that's not very romantic. Well, you saying, hey, we haven't been out in a while. Okay, but you know, we're also broke.

You know, husbands are looking at other things sometimes. We're going. Well, yeah. Did you find the money tree? Because I even found it.

But you could go on a picnic. It would be free. That sounds like an idea that I didn't think of.

We could help each other. Do you hear what I'm saying? We could help each other. It doesn't have to be a mystery. It doesn't have to be so hard.

Be truthful with one another. Here's the challenge.

Am I more concerned with being nice than being truthful?

Maybe that's true at times. Or is there some other concern? Is there something else in the place of truthful? I don't want to make waves. I just want to be nice.

I just want him. I want him to love me on his own. Well, he does love you. He does all the things that look like love to him for you, but you're not receiving it because you receive love differently.

And at times, he doesn't feel loved by you because you think it's these things, but it's not those things to him.

Look, you can tell me all day that, hey, I love you, Jonathan, but if you don't give me a hug, I don't believe it. It's who I am. I don't need 100 hugs when we leave today, y'. All. That's not what I mean.

And I'm sweating up here, so don't do it. Alright? Hot. But there's some truth to that. Be truthful with each other.

Am I more concerned with blank rather than being truthful? Am I a safe person that someone else can even correct? You should ask your family this over lunch. You need somebody who's close to you to say, hey, are people going around you a lot because they're scared to tell you the truth? Because if they do, you're going to blow up.

You need some people dear to you to answer that question. No one ever tells me like you find out years later. Man, I didn't even know they were mad at me about this. It's because they were terrified to tell you the truth. That might be you.

Am I open to responding with a Christlike openness? Church I pray we can be this kind of people that are tender, teachable, truthful, that we're the kind of people who can not only receive correction, but give it in a way that's loving and honest. That's the power of the gospel. The power of the gospel to you, my friend, today, is that you come to faith by saying, I need Jesus. I need a savior.

That is openness to correction. The correction is I'm not enough.

I don't figure this life out on my own. I don't get to eternity without him. These are truths that I'm open to and corrected. That's the gospel. Let's be tender together, teachable and truthful.

Let's pray now. Church. Heavenly Father, thank you so much that first of all, you're the kind of God that is tenderhearted towards us. I don't doubt that. And any way that you would look at a misfit like me and still die on the cross is amazing to me that I make mistakes all of the time.

And yet you come to me not in a just, I'm going to destroy you kind of way, which I would deserve. Instead, you come with a tenderness that puts your arm around me and says, son, there's a better way. This is not what I've planned for you. I've got a greater purpose than this. You don't have to struggle here anymore.

Give it to me. I'm thankful for that. That's the God we serve church. That's who Jesus is. He doesn't leave us in our sin.

He not only pays for it, but he continually convicts and corrects. But not with a bulldozer, but with an arm around the shoulder.

That's a tender love that we have from God. Now there are times where he gives us really difficult challenges. God, I'm thankful for those too. Because I know in every single one of those there's something else you're working on, something in my heart. Lord, I just pray for your people.

I pray for myself that we would have a tenderness first towards you.

I'm aware that there's someone in the room today. They've come into this place with a callous, with a hard heart towards you, God, I pray you would soften it right now, Lord, that they would say, maybe for the first time, not my will, but yours be done. Lord Jesus, I need a savior.

Jesus, I need help. I'm not enough. I can't figure this out. I'm struggling in my marriage, my parenting, my workplace. I'm struggling with my money.

I'm struggling with this addiction. I just feel purposeless. I lack joy. There's not a peace on my life. I mean, it could be any list of things.

God, would you soften that heart today so that they could receive you for the first time? Friend, if that's you, you've come in this place, maybe you walked in the door feeling hard, feeling calloused, going, man, I don't know why I'm here. I pray today that God's moving in your life and that you would receive the good news of the gospel today and that it would change your life. Because it will. Friend, if that's you, pray with me simply as it says in Romans chapter 10.

Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart. God raised him from the dead. You will be saved. So I want to give you an opportunity to make a confession through prayer. If that's you today, pray simply with me, this Jesus.

I believe that you are Lord and savior of my life.

Jesus, I believe that you died on the cross for my sin. My screw ups, my mistakes, my brokenness, my guilt, my shame. I lay all of that at your feet now, Jesus and God, I believe that you raised Christ Jesus from the dead. That gives me so much hope to know that not only did he do what he said he did on the cross and defeat sin for me, but Also, he's alive.

He's active in my life. Jesus, I ask now, then continue to soften my heart. There's a lot of things in my life that I've been doing my way, and it's going. It's going a lot of different ways, not all of them good. I'm not proud of everything there.

Christ Jesus, I give you my heart. Continue to mold me. Help me to open every closet, every place that I've been hiding. Help me to open that up to you that you would change me and transform me.

Dear friend, welcome to the family of God. If you prayed that prayer with me just now, I'm thankful for you. And I want to be a part of the journey you're on in the very same kind of way. God. I'm praying, God also, for a transformation in my own heart that I would never get to a place where I think I've got it all figured out.

I'm not there now, and I don't think I ever will be. Not until you come and get me. Lord Jesus, help me to have a tender heart towards you that's easy to correct, easy to receive correction, and easily guided by you to correct others. Help us to be the kind of church, God, only you can do this in us. Help us to be the kind of church that is obviously loving and obviously truthful, that outsiders coming in for the first time or looking in would go, wow, that is the people that care for each other and they're not afraid to tell the truth, but they're also the kind of people that will say something hard and truthful and then follow it with a hug.

Now that'd be the kind of church I want to be a part of. God, would you do that here at Eastgate that we'd be that kind of people? Help us now, Lord Jesus, to do these things. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.