The Restoration of Communication: Forgiveness
Family Talk August 10, 2025 Ephesians 4:30-32 Notes
We all know the pain of broken communication—harsh words, unresolved conflict, silence that grows like a wall. Whether in our homes, marriages, friendships, or church family, we’ve all experienced the damage that unforgiveness causes. But God has given us the way to restoration: Christlike forgiveness. Without forgiveness, communication breaks down and relationships fall apart. So how do we move from brokenness to restoration in our communication? In a word: forgiveness!
In the apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he exhorted believers to put away relational sins and practice Christlike forgiveness as a Spirit-led expression of their new life and oneness in Christ.
Audio
Good morning, church. Good seeing all of you here this morning. We're concluding our series today entitled Family Talk. And over the past four Sundays, we've been talking about the importance of family communication, both at your house and at the church house. So this series is not only for your house, for your family, but it's also for us as a church.
Our theme verse is found In Ephesians chapter 4, verse 15, where we read, rather, speaking the truth in love. We are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. And we've been concentrating on Ephesians chapter four. And today we'll be at those final verses of the chapter, the final three verses. But we've been working our way through chapter four, talking about the importance of communication and how it affects our relationship with God and with one another.
And if you are a student of the book of Ephesians, you'll notice that Paul has written six chapters. The first three contain primarily propositional truth. He's teaching us doctrine for three chapters, and he lays the basis for the oneness we have in Christ. And he talks about the reality that because of Christ, both Jew and Gentile have become one in the church through Christ and that we're one body and he's the head. And this is the doctrine he's been teaching.
Then as he gets into chapter four through six, he begins to move from propositional truth to practical teaching of how to live it out. And so in chapter four, we're aware that he's laid this case for oneness in Christ, and he wants us to grow up into the head, into Christ, so that in maturity we recognize our oneness with God and our oneness with each other in the body of Christ. And then he begins to deal with those things that will prevent us from experiencing this oneness. And so let's just backtrack for a second. Four weeks ago, when we began this series, we were starting at the beginning of chapter four.
We entitled that the Goal of Communication Oneness. So the goal of our family talk should not be just to be heard, but it's so that at the conclusion of a conversation, we experience unity, that we're at one with one another. We talked about that four Sundays ago, and then we talked about the challenge of communication. And that's when someone has sinned against the other person, and it creates conflict. And so that we discussed how to handle conflict.
And then last week we talked about the danger of communication. You take the d elf danger, and what do you have? You have anger. And how anger Sinful anger can break down your relationships. And now we're in chapter, the last part of the chapter, and we're going to be dealing with really the key to restoration, the key to restoring your communication, your relationship.
And that's the word forgiveness. And not just any kind of forgiveness, but Christ like forgiveness. We all know the pain of broken relationships. No one has to describe that to us. We know it.
Harsh words, unresolved conflict, silence that grows like a wall. Whether in our homes, our marriages, our friendships, in our church, we've all experienced the damage that unforgiveness can cause. But God has given us the way to restoration. Christlike forgiveness. Without forgiveness, communication breaks down.
But with forgiveness, we can lay the foundation to rebuild our communication with one another. So how do we do it? Well, as we get to these final three verses, we see that the Apostle Paul exhorted the believers in Ephesus to put away their relational sins and to practice Christlike forgiveness and the power of the Holy Spirit. And I believe today that we can practice Christlike forgiveness as the Holy Spirit empowers us. As we look at the text today, we'll see three steps that we can follow to restore our broken relationships.
Through the power of Christlike forgiveness, through the power of the Holy Spirit. Let's read these final three verses, and then we'll unpack them together. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.
This is God's word. Amen. We can restore our broken communication with Christlike forgiveness. How? Well, here's the first step.
By confessing what broke it. By confessing what broke down our communication, what broke down our relationship. Paul starts out with an amazing truth. In verse 30, he says, and do not grieve the Holy Spirit. It's an amazing truth because it reveals something about God.
It reveals something about God because the Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity. He is God of very God, the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. One God, yet three distinct personalities. He's not the force from Star Wars. He's not an it.
He's a person. And he has personality and he has emotions. Well, Gary, how do you know he has emotions? Because I just read verse 30. He says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit.
Grief is an emotion. What is grief? It's an emotional response to a felt loss. We usually use this word as it regards the loss of a loved one. They've passed away.
And so we grieve over that loss. But we also use it in other places. Felt loss, felt loss of a marriage, we call that divorce. The felt loss of a friendship, we call that a broken relationship. The felt loss of a dream or some other thing.
All of these things can bring on the emotional response of grief. Here's what God is revealing in a very transparent way through the Apostle Paul to us, that we can hurt God, we can hurt his feelings because he's done everything to save us through Christ Jesus. And whenever he gives us the Holy Spirit to come and abide in us, whenever we offend God. And you might say, well, how do we offend Him? In what way?
Why this negative command? And do not grieve the Holy Spirit. Well, we would have to look at the chapter, we would have to back up the bus a little bit here and say, well, what has he taught us so far? And so as we look back, our study verse says, speak the truth in love. Grow up and grow up.
But he goes on to say, like in these verses, you could just start back here a little ways. Put away sinful anger. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down in your anger. Verse 25.
Put away falsehood. In other words, stop lying. Speak the truth with your neighbor. Be angry and do not sin. Don't be a relational thief.
Let the thief no longer steal. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth. In other words, stop the name calling. If you just look at these things, you can see all the things prior. And then you can see the verse following, verse 30, where he kind of summarizes some of the things he has said earlier.
And he names six attitudes or behaviors. All of these things grieve the Holy Spirit, because just listen to me for a second about this. All sin offends God, and some sin offends your neighbor. Because there are sins that are just you sinning against God. You can do those all by yourself, at your house, in your room, alone.
But often you've sinned against your neighbor, which is also a sin against God. All sin offends God. Some sin offends your neighbor. You still tracking with me. And the category here that Paul seems to be revealing to us is that when you sin against a fellow brother, a fellow sister in the Lord, it grieves the Holy Spirit.
It grieves him like someone died. When you're not at one with fellow believers, God is willing to be so transparent in his love for us that he would say, it hurts me when you're not right with one another.
Paul says, if nothing I've said so far motivates you, let me tell you what, what the Spirit's telling me. It grieves him when you aren't right with one another. Now listen, if you're a believer and you've been growing up in Jesus, you know this. You know this without hearing the command, do not grieve the Holy Spirit. You know this by experience because you have spiritual awareness.
You. You sense when the Holy Spirit is grieved within you. You do. Those of you know that when you've got an offense between you and someone in the body of Christ or someone at your house, it'll disturb your sleep. It will bother you.
Now, this is one of the things. If you're not a believer, you might be able to just harden yourself and have a hard heart. But if you're a believer, it exposes you to the feelings of the Holy Spirit. And he'll disturb your sleep. He'll make you feel his heaviness.
He'll make you feel his grief that you're not growing up in Christ and becoming one with Christ and with one another. That should motivate you. That should motivate all of us. Relational sin doesn't just hurt people, it grieves God. This verse reveals the broken communication, that it's more than just a relational issue, it's a spiritual issue.
Because all sin offends God. And relational sin, it offends God and it offends your neighbor. Do not grieve. It's a command, really. There are three commands in three verses, and that's the first one that we're covering.
The first step is by confessing what broke it. What is confession? Confession is agreeing with God that it's a sin. It's admitting that you're wrong. That's what confession is.
Now, when you confess, you're not telling God something he didn't already know. I confess God, you got me. No, he already knows. What you're doing is you're coming into agreement with God and saying, yeah, I agree, that was a sin. I shouldn't have said that.
I shouldn't have treated her that way. You come to a place of confession, you admit it. One of the sayings that we repeat often around here, that admitting your feeling is the beginning of healing. You have to say, I admit it, I was wrong. I confess it.
I agree with you, God, because This Holy Spirit, the third person of the Godhead, he's grieved when you're not right with one another. And let's just remember who he is by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption, by the day that you get the fullness of what God has promised the Holy Spirit, the scripture teaches us is like a down payment. He's, he's a seal. He's the proof that you got the whole thing. If you buy a house, you'll put down earnest money with an offer and you'll say, okay, in 30 days I'm going to close.
And here's a check of a deposit of earnest money. If I don't close by 30 days, if I default, you get to keep my deposit. Well, that's what the Holy Spirit is as a seal unto the day of closing until the day of Christ's return. God's basically saying, I'm giving him to you as a foretaste of the whole promise is already yours. That's part of what it means that he's a seal, that he's an authenticating seal, a proof of.
Okay, but the word seal also has the, the idea of security. And so if, if, if you buy a product today, in our very safety conscious culture, back when I was a kid, you could just take a product and take the lid off. But today they have childproof lids and childproof seals that are really people proof, I think. And maybe some of you have used that, that special flavored creamer for your coffee. And, and the drawer right underneath my coffee maker, I have placed strategically a pair of needle nose pliers for that one particular company that has a seal on there that is impossible to get off with your fingers.
Not for me. I pull out those needle nose pliers, pow, pull that thing off. Plus I don't get any of that wet sticky stuff on me. It's on the needle nose plier. Drop it in the garbage.
That's a freebie. I gave you that one for free. Okay, little tip for those of you. But it's, it's guaranteeing that the contents are what they claim to be on the outside. No, no additives beyond what the thing says on the outside of the label.
No one has poisoned it, no one has degraded it. What's on the inside is sealed. And that's him, that's the Holy Spirit. He's the saving of God. And he's also the keeping of God.
When you believe in Jesus Christ, he comes and dwells in you and he saves you and he keeps you until the day of salvation. Y' all still with me? I don't know what it would take to make you shout, but I'll keep trying. Thank you. Thank you.
Now you'll learn to do it without the prompting. We'll see how it goes.
It's the Holy Spirit. This is God. Of very. God comes to live in us, to seal us until the day of redemption. And Christian brother and sister, when you are not living right with your brother, with your sister, it grieves him.
It grieves him. David described the heaviness he felt with unconfessed sin in Psalm 32. He writes of it. He says, when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night.
Your hand was heavy upon me. My strength was dried up as the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. And you forgave the iniquity of my sin.
Oh, he refreshes us if we just agree with him and say, I was wrong. I was wrong. Confession is not only good for the soul, it's good for the body. It heals the body. If you keep bitterness inside of you, it's actually got a physiological thing it does to you.
It hurts you physically, mentally, and it's good for your relationships. James talks about this in chapter five of James. He says, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. So I was thinking about this.
I don't think he's necessarily in context, talking about just confessing your sins to random people. Or it might be the context is more about going to the person you've offended and confessing, I've sinned against you like that. Because all of that affects the healing of your relationship, but also your own person, your own spirituality, your own body.
I don't know if any of you have a phone like this. We could get you to pull your phones out of your pockets or out of your purses. There's someone here. I guarantee. You dropped your phone.
You've got a cracked iPhone screen. It's cracked. You didn't buy insurance, and now you're stuck with still kind of works, but you're kind of embarrassed to get it out because you have to look at all kind of angles there to try to see around the crack. It still kind of works, but it's cracked. And until you admit, I need a New.
I need a new phone. I need a new screen. There's some reason you're delaying. I can't afford it right now. I'm going to wait until the, you know, another year, until it's.
It's not even fully paid for yet, but you've got a lot of reasons. But the beginning step is to admit I got a cracked screen. I need to do something about that. Well, that's. We're talking about communication.
You have to confess what broke it. You have to put that away. Ask yourself today, what was it that broke up this relationship with. Fill in the blank. Was it a cutting comment that I made?
Was it a cold shoulder? A sarcastic remark? Or was it years of silent bitterness and the longer the years go on, the harder it is to do something with it for reconciliation to happen. Now, listen, honesty is where healing begins. To just honestly own your part, honesty is where healing begins.
Speak the truth in love.
You don't have to fix it all at once, but you do have to face it.
Confess what broke it. Now, this is what leads us to the next verse, verse 31. Confess what broke it, and then repent by repenting of what blocks it. Okay, you confess it. But now you have to recognize there are behaviors and attitudes in you that are still blocking the possibility of restoration in that relationship.
Paul lists six destructive attitudes and behaviors that block our relationships, that block our communication, and he says these must be actively removed and surrendered to God. He names six. He doesn't name seven. That's the number of completion. He doesn't name nine.
That's the number of the gift of the Holy Spirit, of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. He names six. Well, that's the number of man, isn't it? He names six destructive attitudes. He has an unusual verb.
I told you. There are three imperatives, three command verbs in three verses. The first one was in the active voice. Don't grieve the Holy Spirit. It was an active voice.
That's your part. You're responding to the one who has sealed you. But then this one is in the Greek middle voice. We don't really have. I'm sorry.
It's in the Greek passive voice. It's in the Greek passive voice. And we don't really have an English equivalent. And so for the one Greek word, we have to put together several English words to try to get at this idea of the Greek passive. Notice what he does in this English translation.
It even breaks up the verb. It begins with the word let. And at the very beginning, right in verse 30, one, let all let. And then what's the rest of the verb? We have to keep on going down.
Be put away. Be put away is the rest of the verb. So it took four English words to try to get at the passive. Greek word let be put away. And he names the six things, and he says, let all be put away.
You still with me? Now? How do you let something be put away? It's a command. But in the Greek passive, the idea is there's an outer influence that wants to put it away.
And your command is in the passive. You. You can't put it away. You need the outer influence to help you put it away. Your job is to let go of it.
Here you went. You went real deep here. Okay, y' all try to catch up. This is wonderful. I want you to hear this.
Some of you are hanging on to bitterness. Some of you are hanging on to anger. You're hanging on to even malice, which is. I want bad to happen to that person. They hurt me.
I want them to be hurt. You're hanging on to that. But if you're a Christian today, you're a believer. The Holy Spirit is living in you, and he sealed you unto the day of redemption. You're born again.
You're one with Christ, and you're supposed to be one with each other. And you still are hanging on to this stuff. And I can't. I've tried. I've tried to let it go.
I've tried to let go of my feelings of anger towards this person, but every time I think of them, every time I. If I happen to see them, it wells up inside of me again. I know, I know. But let it be put away. Let the surrender yield to the Holy Spirit's work in you.
So the command then is. It's this idea of stop hanging on to it. Stop clinging to it. Let him take it from you.
You get what the word is saying here. This is deep. It's important. But it's a breakthrough for those that will claim it today, that will say, yes, I will yield to the Spirit's work within me. Paul's not saying to us to do this in our own strength, but to do it in the Spirit's strength.
He names these six, and he says, let all of these be put away. Let them all be put away. And he begins to name them. He begins with bitterness, which literally has the idea of a taste in your mouth of gall.
You're bit into something that's just bitter. It's where the root word comes for this. And so Bitterness. Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die when it's killing you. That's what bitterness does to you.
It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. He says, put it away. Wrath. The Greek word thumas. It's where we get the idea of thermometer or thermos or something like that.
Something that can hang on to heat, wrath, fierceness, indignation, anger. Then it lists anger. The Greek word for anger is orge. It's where we get the word ogre. It has the idea of agitation of the soul, like boiling water.
Clamor. You ever heard someone say, oh, here she comes. She's a drama queen. Everywhere she goes, she creates clamor. She's got to be heard.
She's always talking about herself or gossiping about somebody else. Clamor. It's like two pots being clanged together. Chaos, tumult. It's the idea of loud, divisive, uncontrolled, demanding.
Clamor. Slander.
Greek word is blasphemia. Means to lie on. To lie about someone intentionally in order to do harm to them. And then finally he goes, here five things, and here's one more.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice.
Malice has the root of evil in it. The Greek word for this also can be translated evil. And so the idea here of malice is to have evil intent towards another person. They've hurt me. I hope they die.
I hope their stuff dies. You begin to relish the idea. And then if you hear that their life starts falling apart. You'd be like, thank you, God, for getting them. You know, like, thank you, I'm glad.
Like, you've been harboring in your heart hatred toward. You've got malice towards you. I will hope bad stuff happens to this person.
The word says this. Let it all be put away.
Let him take it. Stop clinging it to it like you don't know. Pastor, this is my shield. This is how I respond to what this evil that was done to me. Maybe it was done to you as a child and this person still in your family.
Maybe it's. Maybe the person. Maybe the person has passed away. They're not even here anymore. But you still have malice towards their memory.
Guess who it's hurting? Not them. It's hurting you and it's hurting your relationship with God. And it's grieving the Holy Spirit. Let him put it away.
Let it all be put away. And let refreshing come from The Lord. The Book of Acts. Peter is preaching here. He says, repent, therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.
You can feel the Spirit's grief, but you can also. You can feel his joy. You can feel his peace. You can feel his love.
Repentance means to put it away, doesn't it? It means to I put it away. I strip it off, and I'm going in the opposite direction. I strip off these six destructive attitudes. And he's about, in verse 32, he's going to tell you what to put on.
But right now we're in the put off phase. Colossians says this, but now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander and dirty language. Don't lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Let be put off. Let all be put off.
All the former life. Paul doesn't say, remove all bitterness by yourself. He says, let it be put away from you. Let the Spirit stop clinging to it and start cooperating with the Spirit. And let him exchange that old attitude with a new attitude.
I pray right now that the Holy Spirit will be speaking to hearts in this room, that he'll be speaking to those who are listening, and that you would be willing to say, which of these six items, which of these six destructive attitudes have I allowed to take root in my heart? Lord, examine me and know me. Do I have any of these in me?
I'm going to let you take them off of me. And some of them he'll have to pull out by the root because it's really become so entangled in your heart. Name it, confess it, repent of it, ask for cleansing, and he will do it. Refreshing times will come. Now this leads us to the third step.
We've said to confess what's blocking it, to repent of what's blocking it, what broke it, what's blocking it. But then finally, by seeking what builds it. By seeking what builds it, we're at verse 32. And now Paul exhorts us to Christlike forgiveness, to the virtues of kindness and tenderheartedness and forgiveness. He's told us what to allow to be put off.
And now he's calling us to allow the Holy Spirit to put these on us, this new way of relating to him. It's a way of seeking a new foundation. And we're going to be talking about forgiveness. But first let's look at how he begins. He Says be kind to one another.
Well, that'd be a good start to the person that you formerly had malice towards. To be kind to them, tenderhearted. They actually try to see it from their side, to think about who they are, to see them as someone that Christ died for. It's challenging. The idea to be kind, you could translate like this, pleasant, easy, benevolent, gracious.
Here, here the idea is voluntary participation that I volunteer. I'm willing to take the initiative to be kind to this person. They've been. They've been mean to me, but in Christ I'm going to be kind to them. They've been hard hearted towards me, but in Christ I'm going to be tender hearted towards them.
They've offended me, but I'm going to forgive them. How? Not. Not as the world forgives. I'm going to forgive them as God in Christ forgave me.
Oh, oh, you think it was hard to let go of those destructive attitudes? It was impossible without just letting them go to the Holy Spirit, to leave them at the cross. Let the Spirit. But this level of forgiveness, it can. The only ones who have the capacity for this are those who have received the forgiveness from the Lord Jesus and allowed them to experience the total forgiveness of his love and his redemption.
And now that one, the one who has received this forgiveness now can dip into the well, the bottomless well of forgiveness and pour it out on every relationship.
Some of you are stuck in your maturity, you're stuck in your growth because you can't let go of that hurt.
And I'm not saying that it wasn't hurt, it was a real hurt. Some of you were hurt deeply by someone else, someone, maybe you claimed to be a Christian. That makes it hurt worse, doesn't it? I'm not saying that it didn't happen. I'm saying give up the right to hurt them back, to grow up into maturity to the head, which is Christ, and to forgive them as God in Christ forgave you.
Confessing, repenting and then seeking. And only the Holy Spirit can give you this. But your part, it's a command. Be kind, forgiving. Be kind, tenderhearted.
Forgive. Notice forgiving is in that continuous participle there. Because the thing is you'll forgive them and then you'll get up tomorrow and you'll be angry at them again and they haven't done anything new to you. You're just still trying to get it out. You're still trying to forgive them.
So forgiving as God in Christ, how? As God in Christ who paid the Debt of my offense to him came from heaven to earth, pursuing me, took the initiative to pursue me, to pursue you, died in my place and then hung on the cross saying, father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. This is the gospel. You want to.
You want to live out the gospel in your life, forgiving as God in Christ forgave you, and then no freedom. Because your lack of forgiveness is not just destructive to that relationship, it's destructive to your soul. It's destructive to your relationship to the Father because it grieves him that you're hanging on to this.
Now, this forgiveness that he gives you doesn't automatically rebuild. You seek it. You seek the rebuilding. You seek to build it back up, but it doesn't automatically rebuild the relationship. Just as when Christ died on the cross for your sins and says, father, forgive them.
They don't know what they're doing. You can still sit out there and say, no, I've heard the gospel. I've heard that he's offered forgiveness to all who will believe. But you can say, I reject it. I choose not to believe.
And so then you can stay in your unforgiven state. Because it takes two parties. It takes the one who's doing the forgiving and the one who's forgiven to receive it, Right? And the same is true if you're in a broken relationship and you and you are the one that was offended, and you offer forgiveness. It's usually more complicated than that because that person often thinks there's something you did, too.
And you probably did, because you're a sinner saved by grace. And so you probably did. But it always takes two.
But your part is to seek forgiveness as God in Christ forgave you. You still with me. And it lays the foundation for the possibility of rebuilding the relationship because it removes it confesses what broke it, and it repents of what's still blocking it. So that from your side, all impediment now is removed for the possibility of the relationship being renewed. The possibility exists.
T.S. lewis talking about this. Forgiveness said to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
Paul talks about it in his letter to the Colossians. He says, put on then, because that's where we're at now in verse 32. We've already done the let all be put off. Now we're doing the put on. And verse 32, we can see in Colossians is kind of saying similar stuff.
Put on then, as God Chosen ones, holy and beloved. Compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving, there's that continuous idea each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. So when you think about forgiveness, think about there's the one seeking forgiveness because you felt the grief of the Holy Spirit and you feel that you were wrong.
And you need to go to that person and confess your sins to them. I'm the one that hurt you and I know that. So you could be the one seeking forgiveness. But there's also the other person who's being asked to grant forgiveness. That's the two parties.
Let's address first of all, the ones seeking forgiveness. How do you do that? Can I get really practical for a second? There are six words I think might give you a starting place. I was wrong.
Please forgive me.
The last three are not that hard. Please forgive me. Most of us are pretty good at that one. The first three words, I was wrong. How many know it all?
So you don't have to lift your hand. Just think about it for a second. How many know it alls do we have in the room? How many can. That's the heart.
I'm telling you what. Soon as a child learns to speak the English language and you tell them, go and tell your little sister, go and tell your big brother that you were I was wrong. They'll do the please forgive me. They'll say, I'm sorry. But it'll just about blow up their brains to try to get them to say I was wrong.
We're all born with this rebellious spirit. I was wrong. Please forgive me. Seeking forgiveness. You.
You named the wrong I was wrong. When I said this to you, when I did this to you, and you name it, please forgive me. You're asking for forgiveness now. Let's talk about granting forgiveness first. Can I tell you what it's not?
Let me tell you what granting forgiveness is not. It's not pretending it didn't happen. Oh, never mind. No, forgive them. I was wrong.
Please forgive me. Oh, don't think nothing else of it.
That's not forgiveness. It's not conditional. I'll forgive you if you do. X, Y and Z. It's not forgetting.
Now God can do this. He can say, I put your sin as far as the east is. From the west, I plunge into the deepest ocean. But our problem is we have to keep forgiving. Notice that in both the Colossians passage as well as the Ephesians passage, forgiving as God In Christ forgave you because it's a continual process for us until finally it seems to fade from the memory because we're putting it away from.
We're surrendering. Finally he takes it away from us. It depends on the depth of the offense. The deeper it is, the harder it is to let go of it. But we're called to it nonetheless.
It's not impossible. I hear people say I could never forget. It's impossible. All things are possible in Christ Jesus. You can let go and it's not an automatic cure for the hurt.
Saying I forgive you doesn't mean the hurt will immediately go away. But may I say to you, it eventually will. The hurt will be replaced by refreshment from the Spirit for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness to come from the Spirit. Because he is so. As much as he was grieved by you hanging on to unforgiveness, he is overjoyed because you're growing up to maturity in Christ, which is his goal for you to be like Jesus.
This is what he's calling us to. So that's what it's not. What is it? What is forgiveness? Well, did I mention to you that verse 32 as well 30, 31 and 32 are three command verbs, three imperatives.
And he says, be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ Jesus forgave you. It's not a holy suggestion, it's a command. You want to grow up in Jesus to maturity in Christ.
Forgive, forgive. It's obedience granting. Forgiveness is first of all obedience. Remember when Jesus was teaching something like this and Peter goes, so do we have to forgive him seven times? And I can just picture Jesus get sort of a smile on his face.
Peter, actually 70 times 7. Remember that well I was telling you about? He's forgiven you of all your sin. When you say yes to Jesus, he's paid for how many of your sins? All your past sins, all your present sins, the ones you haven't done yet, he's already paid for them.
He's abiding in you now through the Holy Spirit, he sealed you unto the day of redemption. And he's made available to you this bottomless deposit, this well of forgiveness so that you can write forgiveness checks and never bounce a check. I mixed all kind of metaphors in there. Hopefully you got two of them.
It's unlimited. It's unconditional. It's a choice to release the offender of his death.
It's the beginning of healing that starts the process to forgive them. You know, in North Carolina we all know about natural disasters, don't we? We know about hurricanes. Some of you have moved from the west coast to avoid earthquakes. Welcome to North Carolina.
It doesn't matter where you're at in North Carolina, we. We've all had hurricanes in the last couple years that have affected us.
Rivers swell, roads vanish, bridges get washed away. And so what used to be easy to get across to the other side, now there's a raging torrent between and the bridge is out. And it's going to take a lot of work to be able to get to the other side. That's the way it is in some of your relationships right now. The bridge is washed out.
I guess the first point would be to say, hey, I need to confess that the bridge is washed out. I need to agree with God that I had something to do with that.
Maybe I had a lot to do with that. I need to repent of whatever that was. And now forgiveness, here's what forgiveness does. It looks at that bridge being out and it can't just all of a sudden pop a bridge up. But here's what forgiveness can do.
It can help take out all the broken metal and all the broken foundational stuff, because before you can rebuild, all that's got to get cleaned up. All that's got to get cleaned up, right? And then forgiveness is like laying the foundation so the bridge can be rebuilt. It doesn't rebuild the bridge, but it lays the foundation for a bridge to be rebuilt because it sets aside all impediments that would prevent that. Now there are certain people that we need to keep boundaries up because they won't do the work on their side of the bridge.
They won't forgive or they won't seek forgiveness. But do your part. Obey the command and do your part. You can't control what they do. Just like when Jesus says, father, forgive them.
But then people turned away and they reject the Christ. I pray that it's not you today, because it takes two. One who says, I forgive you, the other says, I accept it, I believe. And so for those of you that have someone, maybe they've passed away and you've been holding bitterness towards them. Today I pray you release it, that you let it be put away from you and that you go ahead and forgive them.
Maybe you'll never see this person again, even if they're still alive in this world. And, and I'm not saying you have to, but for your sake, put it away and forgive them in Jesus name so that you can renew yourself in Christ. But where Possible forgiveness allows us to rebuild. The cross of Christ is the ultimate picture, isn't it? As God in Christ forgave you, that's what he says.
How can we do this? It's impossible to have that kind of forgiveness. It is in the flesh. It is in your own humanity. But all things are possible with God.
He can give you the power of forgiveness so that you forgive those who have hurt you. You can pray, father, forgive them. I forgive them.
If you've received that forgiveness, you can restore what's broken with Christlike forgiveness. You can confess what broke it. You can repent of what's keeping it, what's blocking it. And you can seek what builds it back up again. So, church, who do you need to forgive today?
Who have you been holding destructive attitudes towards? Don't wait for the perfect moment. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you right now as we pray. Lord, I pray first of all for the one who has never given their life to you. You say to them, I offer this forgiveness.
Father, forgive them. Is that you, my friend? You've never said yes to Jesus. You've never received his grace and forgiveness. You can do it right now.
You can make a decision right now, an act of the will, and say yes to the Lord. Pray right where you are. Prayer is just expressing your faith in words. Dear Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. I confess that I've offended you.
I confess that, Lord, and I repent of my sin. And I say, I know you died on the cross for me, Lord Jesus, and I believe that you were raised from the grave. Come and live in me. Forgive me my sin. Help me to be the person you want me to be.
I want to be a child of God. If you're praying that prayer of faith, believing he'll save you, he'll forgive you, he'll come and live in you through his spirit. Others are here and you're a believer. The Holy Spirit lives within you and seals you unto the day of redemption. But you're still hanging on to some junk that's keeping you from growing to maturity in Christ.
It's grieving the Holy Spirit. Would you pray right now? Lord, forgive me, forgive me for holding on to unforgiveness. Holy Spirit, right now I just pray you'd put the faces of people that we're not right with so that we would give it to you, so we would let be put off and put on your kindness, your tenderheartedness, your forgiveness. We pray it in Jesus name, Amen.
Audio
Well, good morning, church. My name is Mike Laramee. If you've not met me before, some of you all have. And it's been a minute since I've been up here, but I'm a member of the preaching teaching team at Eastgate. Boom.
Got a little boom there. I'm a member of the preaching teaching team. I'm also the director of discipleship for Eastgate. So I'm a guy that gets you all connected to community groups and life on life and those kind of things. And that's kind of what I do.
But that's. I'm on the lay staff, so, you know, you're not paying me. So you get what you get today. All right? All right.
So Pastor Jonathan is on vacation, starting with a celebration of their anniversary with his lovely wife Nicole. But they're now on a family vacation. So it's entirely appropriate if you've been on a family vacation, you probably, you know, maybe sometimes that communication doesn't work so well on a family vacation. So it's entirely, you know, appropriate that we talk about this. So we're concluding our four week sermon series called Family Talk.
And we've been talking through what the Apostle Paul has taught us in Ephesians chapter four. And this is a teaching for both us as family members and for the church family as a whole. So let me remind you of our series theme verse, and it's in Ephesians 4:15. And it says, rather, speaking the truth in love. We are to grow up in every way into him who, who is the head, into Christ.
We're to grow up into the head, which is Christ. Now, we've learned several things as we've gone through this four week sermon series. In the first week, we learned that the goal of our communication is unity or is oneness. So as we communicate as a family, that should be the goal for our communication. Everything that we say verbally and non verbally should be for the purpose of building the family up and to build up unity in the family again in our family, in our homes and in the church, that's what the goal is.
But there's some challenges, right? We learned in the second week the challenge of communication is correction because sometimes things go wrong and we have to be able to point that out and that happens, right? And that was a real challenge that we talked about. And sometimes when we correct somebody, the response can be anger. So we talked about that last week.
The danger of communication is anger. And so in this final week, as we look at the fourth sermon out of Ephesians, four, we're gonna see how the restoration of communication begins with forgiveness. So it begins with forgiveness. And that's gonna be our topic for today. Now, we all, all of us know the pain of broken communications.
You know, harsh words get exchanged from time to time, right? Maybe unresolved conflict, especially in the family, because nobody knows how to fight like family does, right? So we know how this works. Sometimes silence grows like a stone wall. Men, we are especially good at this stonewalling communication, right?
And a lot of times that's just, hey, I don't want to say something I'm going to regret, so I'm going to say nothing. And you know what? How well does that work? Not very well, right? Because our wives generally want to communicate and we're trying not to.
That's not helping, is it? So how's that gonna, how's that gonna work? So we've run into some of this kind of thing, right? We've seen this before. So whether it's in our homes, in our marriages, in our friendships, you know, our work situations, but most importantly in our church family, we've experienced the damage that unforgiveness can cause.
We can see this happen from time to time. When there's unforgiveness, it just wreaks havoc. But God has given us a way towards restoration of those relationships, restoration of those lines of communications. And it's Christlike forgiveness. Christlike forgiveness.
So this is not worldly forgiveness. This is Christlike forgiveness. So without forgiveness, communication breaks down and relationships fall apart. How do we move then from this broken relationship, this brokenness, to restoration in our communication? We expect and practice forgiveness.
See, the apostle Paul writes in his letter to the Ephesians, and he writes and exhorts believers to put away these relational sins, these things that we do to each other, these relational sins, and practice Christlike forgiveness. And as a spirit led expression of their new life, so the Holy Spirit empowered those believers to express that new life and restore oneness in Christ. We can do this too. We can restore our broken communication with Christlike forgiveness. And it's empowered by the Holy Spirit for us as well today.
How can we do this? How can we restore broken communication with Christlike forgiveness? Well, the text is gonna give us three steps that we can follow to restore this broken communication with Christlike forgiveness. And if you would join me as I put my cheaters on here, we're going to. We're in Ephesians, chapter 4, verses 30 through 32.
And if you'd read along with me, you don't have to do that out loud. I'll read it. You guys can read silently along if you're confused. And if you. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. And may God bless the reading of his Word. Amen. So we're looking for three ways that we can restore our broken communication with Christlike forgiveness. And here's the first one.
By confessing what broke it. By confessing what broke the relationship in the first place. Now, let's talk about confessing, because that's the first word I want to talk about. What does confessing mean? It literally in the Greek, means homologeo, or same words.
You're saying the same words as God. What you're doing when you confess the sin is you're agreeing with God that what was happening was sin. Okay? So confessing what broke it involves identifying what that is and agreeing with God that it's wrong. So relational sin, this stuff that we do to each other doesn't just hurt each other, doesn't just hurt people.
It hurts God. It grieves the Holy Spirit. Paul says in verse 30, this verse reveals that broken communication is at its very nature, a spiritual issue. While we may not be talking to each other and that may hurt, that is a spiritual issue. That is a crack in the foundation of our relationship that can allow the enemy to work against us.
Much like if you have an older house, right, and you have a crack in the foundation, you let water get in there, it's going to eat away at that and it's going to crumble it. Do not let this spiritual issue divide us. See, the Holy Spirit seals us as a people, right? And he's grieved when we allow that unresolved hurt, that resentment and that conflict to continue to persist. Now, verse 30, Paul says, do not grieve.
Do not grieve. What does that mean? Okay, well, we know what grief is, but this is a little more than that. This means not to make sad, don't make sorrowful, don't cause grief, not to offend. And who are we offending?
Well, Paul says we're offending the Holy Spirit. Now, certainly, when we have unresolved anger in a relationship and we use that, we use our words in an evil way, we're certainly grieving the other person. But Paul's pointing out that we're grieving the Holy Spirit as well. Okay, what grieves him? What grieves the Holy Spirit?
Well, if you remember from last week, as we're talking about anger, look what Paul has already had us put off in verse 26 in the previous part of the chapter. That anger, you know, that anger, that sinful anger, put that off, right? Stealing, he says in verse 28. Now, hopefully that's not endemic upon, you know, here. I mean, if you all are stealing and I have to, you know, talk to you about not stealing, then we've probably got more things to work on, right?
But the other one was corrupt talk in verse 29. Corrupt talk. There's something I need to work on sometimes, right? All of us can sometimes say things that are probably not best for edifying each other and building each other up, whether it's foul language or just coarseness or crudeness or just stuff that just really isn't all that helpful. Corrupt talk, right?
And now he's gonna repeat a whole list of stuff in our next point in verse 31, remember who we're talking about. We're talking about the Holy Spirit of God, right? And he says, we don't grieve him. Don't grieve him, okay? The Holy Spirit, it's not an impersonal force.
This is not Star wars, right? We're talking about the third member of the Trinity of the Triune God. We're talking about a person of the Trinity. He can be offended, he can be grieved, he can be saddened. What did he do in verse 30?
He sealed us. He sealed us by whom? You were sealed. You know, you have a seal on you. Anybody ever moved before with movers, like, not just themselves, right?
I've done some international moves, okay? I used to be in the military and I'd move back and forth internationally. They. When the movers come to move you overseas, they crate up your stuff, okay? And they put a big seal on it and everybody signs it.
The head mover, I sign it. And the only time that seal is broken is when customs on the other end breaks it open to make sure you're not smuggling anything silly in there. And so you'll have the customs sealed back on there, say, hey, we broke it on such and such a day. And we looked at this, and then here it's sealed up again, okay? So that's what has happened to you.
If you're a believer, you've been sealed, you've been Sealed by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit's got his mark on you. You've been sealed for the day of redemption, right? This day that's coming, when Jesus comes again, Christ will return and deliver us completely from all this mess that we're talking about. All these bad words and communications problems and angers and stuff like that.
He's going to free us from all that we've been sealed. When we think about this first step, this first step of confessing what broke it, it's a lot like triage in a medical sense. Now, I mentioned that I had been in the military for a long time. I also was a government contract pilot. So I did a lot of.
A lot of stuff in combat zones. And so I had to do a lot of. We called it tactical casualty, combat care, something like that. T, Triple C. It was this first responder kind of thing, you know. So I'm not an emt, I'm not a medic, I'm not any of that stuff.
But everybody that had to go into these areas had to get this basic training, right? And one of the first things that they taught us when you came upon a casualty, and this would be appropriate, say if you saw a car wreck in front of you or something like that, when you arrive, the first thing you want to do is stop the major bleeding or identify the major bleeding, right? So if I came upon somebody and they were traumatically had an amputated arm, it does me no good to get a blanket out and keep them warm if they're gushing blood, right? We want to keep the blood inside the body. So we've learned how to put a tourniquet on that so stop the bleeding, get that initial assessment done.
And you kinda wanna figure out what's wrong with this person if they're just unconscious, you kinda wanna know, how do I treat this? So I gotta figure that part out first. So that's kinda what confession is. Let's identify the area that is a problem right now. Let's figure that out.
What is the problem?
See, relational sin is like an open wound in our relationships. It's. It's like that. You've got massive bleeding causing trauma at the time. And we need to fix it.
We need to identify the issue first. We need to find the source of the bleeding in order to be able to treat it. So we need to confess our sins one to another. We need to confess our sins to the Lord. We need to confess our sins one to the other.
This is absolutely critical as a first step. See David in Ancient Israel. He described this feeling of carrying sin that when he was under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, he wrote after his sin with Bathsheba on what it felt like to carry that sin around. And Psalm 32, verses 3 through 5 describes this as David's writing. He says this, for when I cast silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long, for day and night, your hand was heavy upon me.
My strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. And you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Doctor, do you feel what David is feeling there?
If there's relational sin in there that you are aware of, and this can be our sin, it could be the other person's sin. It could be mutual, right? There's a weight there that we have to identify, and we need to confess. We need to get that first step out. Let's shed that weight like David describes, as your strength returns as you get rid of that load.
Confession is also good for the soul and for healing the body and relationships with others. Look at what James 5:16 says. James writes, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. You know, communication with a broken communications device lends to garbled communication.
You know, many of you know, I'm a professional pilot. I've been doing this for a very long time. I'm an airline pilot. I've flown in the military. I've flown government contract stuff.
I've done a lot of stuff. I have flown airplanes where the radios don't work so well. Well, we kind of need those, right? We need to talk to people on the ground. And every once in a while, the antenna may be disconnected or.
Or maybe there's a short in it or something like that. I've had it happen where I've hit a bird, okay? And the antenna came off. And all of a sudden I'm trying to talk on the radio and nothing's happening, right? Nobody can hear me, right?
Maybe in your context, you whip out your phone and your phone is cracked, right? The screen is cracked. And now it kind of works, but it doesn't really. It doesn't work all that great. And maybe it's garbled.
Maybe you need to replace it. Maybe the battery is almost dead or something like that or. Or something that we used to experience. A lot more. You know, you'd be in a cell dead zone somewhere.
Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? You know, that kind of thing. The point is, when we have communications problems, we need to diagnose what it is, right? We need to figure out what is wrong.
Because if we don't get it repaired, that communication won't get restored, that airplane radio antenna's gotta be replaced, and I have to have somebody who knows what they're doing. They actually look at the wires and go, okay, yeah, that's good. Oh, look, I can hear people again, right? That's what we need to do in our relationships. We need to confess.
We need to figure out what's wrong. Ask yourself, what broke this communication? If I'm having a family issue right now, if I'm having a broken relationship with somebody in the family, whether it's in your house or here in this building right here, what broke that communication? Was it a cutting comment that somebody made? Was it a cold shoulder that you were receiving?
Or maybe years of silent bitterness? Until we admit what's broken, we can't begin to restore it. Confess it to the Lord and confess it to each other. Honesty is where healing begins. You don't have to fix it all at once, but you need to start.
You need to start with honesty, and you do have to face it. So confessing what broke it is the first step. Let's look at the second. The second is by repenting of what blocks it. By repenting of what blocks it.
So here in verse 31, we're going to look at a list that Paul kind of verbally processes of all these things that we can do with relationally to break our communication, okay? And if I didn't make it obvious before, there's three verses in this passage. There's three points. There's actually three imperative commands here. This is not rocket surgery.
When we come up with this, when we study this, okay, we look for things like, is there a command here? You know, what is the breakdown of what Paul's saying? Well, here's the second command. Paul says, let this list be put away. Let all this be put away.
This is the imperative command. The first one was first to confess, okay? The second is to let it be put away. Now, this is an interesting one because this is done in the passive voice. Now, those of you who are grammarians, who did really good in middle school English and whatnot, and you can figure all that kind of stuff out, you.
You can teach me probably a little bit more. I understand Active voice and passive voice. I understand that an active voice means I am doing this, right? I am doing this. A passive voice gets acted upon us.
Somebody's doing this to me. This is passive. This is passive. Let this list of stuff be put away. If it's passive, that doesn't mean that we are doing it.
Someone else is doing it. And it's the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is working through us to put all these evil, nasty things away. And in verse 31, Paul says all of these. That's each and every one of these things.
This list. Put away all of this. We don't even want to allow a little bit. We don't want any of this to enter in. Remember, like that foundation crack.
We don't want to let any water in to start cracking that foundation. And let's talk about the list. Let's talk about some of the things that are in it. The first one that Paul talks about is bitterness. Bitterness.
This is literally a bitter gall, like bile, right? It's just bleh. It's just nasty. You know, you want to keep the bile down where it belongs. You don't want it to come up, right?
Because that's bitter. It's nasty. But it's a metaphor for this bitter hatred, this bitterness that wells up. Emotional bitterness refers to feelings of sadness, resentment and anger, but especially anger that accumulate over time. If we allow this sadness or resentment or anger to fester, it becomes bitterness.
It's a secondary emotion. You don't go immediately to bitterness when you're hurt. You get hurt. You might be resentful, you might see things, you might, you might be shocked, right? That may happen.
And then the longer you let it go without dealing with it, the more likely it is to turn to bitterness. Bitterness, this again, long term thing, it's like a weed. Bitterness is like a weed. You can't just trim around a weed, right? Cause it's gonna come right back.
Especially right about now, right? With all the rain we've been getting. My lawn is chock full of weeds, okay? Because I'm too lazy to get out there and do what I need to do. And that is pull the weed up by the root, right?
Bitterness is like that. We need to pull that up by the root and get rid of it. Bitterness is kind of like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. How dumb is that, right? Bitterness.
Allowing bitterness to fester within, inside of us, okay? You might be carrying it around thinking like it gives you some kind of protection or special status. And you know, nowadays we like to lord our victim status around over everybody. Right? I'm a victim.
You know, I'm going to carry that bitterness around. But it's the poison that's killing you. It's not destroying everybody around you. It's killing you. You need to deal with bitterness.
The next thing that Paul talks about is wrath. Wrath. This is just this passion, this. This angry heat kind of thing. It's this anger that just boils up.
Right? Anybody had anger problems in the past? This is me. Okay. This is.
Yeah, my wife can see right away when something touches my buttons. Cause it immediately flashes on my face, even if I don't want it to. Which is awful because everybody knows, oh, Mike's angry. No, I'm really not. I was for about a second, but I'm okay now.
It doesn't matter. My face has already telegraphed what's happened. Right. That might be. You know, that's a real issue.
I've been working on it for years now. I'm not nearly as angry as I used to be. But, you know, comes with age. A little bit of a. You know.
See the gray there? I'm starting to learn, finally, anger again. We've talked about it last week. I'm not gonna dwell on that. But this is just that it's primarily the emotion.
But here we're talking about the sin, sinful anger. The next one is clamor. This is a word we don't use much. Clamor. What's clamor?
What's clamor? I think of a big ringing bell or a cowbell. Especially something that, you know, not something that's melodic. It's something that makes a lot of noise. Right.
This is an outcry. This is associated with chaos and tumultuous behavior. It's loud, it's divisive, it's uncontrolled clamor. It demands to be heard. Not to necessarily to do any understanding or to restore.
But it's going to assert its dominance. That's what clamor is. Right. It's not often associated. Excuse me.
It's often associated with discord and conflict. And it's negative. It's a negative thing. It's behavior that's disruptive. Right.
It's rebellious. It's contrary to the peace and order that we would expect from Christian living. This is clamor. Okay? Sometimes we'll see that in the family.
Right? People don't get their own way and they start to get upset. And it's gonna be noisy. How many times has it happened when Maybe you and your spouse have gotten into a fight and one of you is downstairs and you're doing the dishes and it's slam, bang, bang, right? Oh, I wonder who's angry, Right?
Yeah. Been there? Anybody? Verse 31 also talks about slander. Slander, that's that speech that's meant to injure somebody else, right?
To assassinate their character to say something nasty about someone else. That's slander. And then at the very end of the list, Paul throws in this word, malice, which, that's a really interesting word, malice. This is that desire to hurt somebody. The root word of malice is evil.
It's just this desire for evil to happen to somebody else. So you can see this laundry list that he's going down. This is not good stuff, right? Paul's saying that this is the stuff that we need to repent of. Repent of.
Now, repentance, this is an important word to us as Christians. Repentance, right? What is repentance? It literally means to turn the other way, right? I was going this way and I see this is not right.
And so I'm going to go that way, okay? I'm going to change my behavior, I'm going to change what I'm doing. I'm going to change my thought patterns and behaviors. To continue that medical analogy that we were talking about from the first point, this repentance looks like removing the source of injury or infection, right? So, you know, if I come upon that car accident and I see that somebody has that traumatic injury, I'm gonna put a tourniquet on it, right?
And then I'm gonna remove them from the situation, okay? Or I might remove the pieces of metal or whatever that are causing more injury. I'm gonna remove that or, you know, remove the infection and those kind of things. That's what repentance does. See, after we've identified the major source of injury, we need to remove it.
You know, Martin Luther, the great theologian and the founder of the Reformation, you remember, if you know your history, he did those 95 theses and he tacked him to the door of the Wittenberg Chapel in Germany. His first thesis, his very first thesis was he said, when our Lord and master Jesus Christ said repent, he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance. In other words, in the entire life of a believer is involved in repentance. So repentance is not a one and done thing like when you got saved, hey, I repented and I'm good now. I'm covered.
No, every morning we need to repent. We need to get up and, and examine. We need to confess the areas that we had fallen short and repent every morning. We need to repent. It's a thing that it cleanses the soul.
We need to repent first to our God and father and then to our family members, the ones that we've broken that communication with. We need to repent to one another. Let me speak to the fathers and husbands real quick. One of the most effective things that you can do in the family environment is to repent to your family, to repent to your kids. When you have messed up and you in front of your kids, you say, you know what, kids?
Daddy messed that up. That was not right. And I ask for your forgiveness. That is extremely powerful. You are demonstrating the Christian walk in words and in action right there.
That's the kind of repentance that we want to see, that your children, your wife, your family will respect you more for that. Don't think you're going to lose respect for doing that. You're going to gain so much more. Repentance is something that we need to model especially to those of us who, who we are discipling.
Repentance precedes refreshment from the Lord. Repentance precedes refreshment from the Lord. Acts 3:19, 20 says this. Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord. See, God is looking for us to repent first and then he's going to pour his refreshing upon you.
He's not going to continue to pour blessing upon you. If you have an unrepentant heart, if you're going to keep this brokenness around and you're going to allow that to continue to torment those around you, he's not going to want to bless that. Remember that repentance means to put away or to get rid of, to strip off our old sinful nature. Colossians 3:8:3. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander and dirty language.
Don't lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Remember, it's like taking off those old nasty grave clothes, those work clothes that you've had before, you know, and strip that off. Take a shower, put some nice fresh clothes on because you've repented.
You know, the Romans, the ancient Romans were exceptionally good at being cruel and punishing people. You know, we know from biblical sources, of course, and extra biblical sources all about crucifixion and the Roman propensity to do that. And that's not what I'm talking about. But one of the punishments that the ancient Romans used to do to a convicted offender, someone that they were going to pronounce the death sentence to, is they would shackle that offender to a corpse. They would shackle that offender face to face with a dead body.
Can you imagine how disgusting that would be? And as that body rotted and putrefied, it would disease the living condemned person. Okay? And eventually that person would die a painful death of whatever the corpse probably had going on. You know, disgusting, right?
The Romans were exceptionally cruel in being able to do this kind of thing. See, without Christ, we are shackled to a dead corpse. Just like that. That is our picture. Our own sinfulness is that dead corpse that we are shackled to.
And only repentance can loose those chains and free us from that nastiness. See, life and death cannot exist in the same place indefinitely. You know, Paul doesn't say, remove all this bitterness yourself. Take care of this. Get this done.
He doesn't say that. He says, let it be put away from you. Allow it to be put away from you. That means we have to stop clinging to that thing. We have to stop clinging to that bitterness and to that anger and wrath and slander that we so often do.
We need to stop it, but we need to start cooperating with the Holy Spirit and allow him to have that put away, to put it out of our hearts. Ask the Holy Spirit right now, what is it that you need to remove from my life that's blocking restoration? And in communication with my family, either in the home or at the church, who is it that I need to repent to? Which of these sins have I let take root in my heart or in my home? Name it, confess it, then ask for the Spirit's power to lay it down.
What do you need to lay down today? Is it bitterness? Is it anger? Slander? Repent and ask for cleansing.
So that's the second one. Here's the third one. By seeking what builds it. By seeking what builds it. This is again, we're restoring communication by using proper forgiveness.
So we're gonna seek what builds it. Now, in verse 32, Paul exhorts us to seek these Christlike virtues that build relationships, that rebuild broken relationships. Things like kindness and tenderheartedness and forgiveness. See, forgiveness isn't just about confessing and repenting. Christlike forgiveness seeks to build a new foundation for the relationship.
So Let me pause here for a moment, and let's talk about forgiveness. We're gonna talk a little bit more about this in a moment. But forgiveness in its purest sense is choosing not to interact with somebody based upon what they did. To me, that's what forgiveness is, choosing not to interact with somebody based upon how they. What they did.
Okay? So it only takes one person to forgive one person, and you can choose to forgive that person. Like, for example, many of you might have people that have hurt you very deeply that are no longer in your life. Maybe they moved away or maybe they passed away, right? You can still forgive that person.
You can let it go, okay? But Christlike forgiveness takes it one step further because Christlike forgiveness actually forgives with the aim of restoring the relationship. Okay? Now, there may be, you know, like I said, you might have a relative or family member or something, maybe somebody from your past that's done something horrible to you. You need to forgive them.
It doesn't necessarily mean you're going to restore the relationship, but we're talking about family communication here. We're talking about communication among us and in your home there. We want to restore the relationship. We need to restore the relationship. So we are going to do it in a Christlike manner.
And one of the first steps that Paul encourages the Ephesians to do is to be kind. To be kind. Now, this is interesting. Now, again, I already told you, I'm not a grammarian, okay? And I learned something this week.
I was studying with Pastor Gary and Pastor Jonathan on Wednesday. And this verb here or this series of verbs, to be kind, to be tender hearted and be forgiving, is in the Greek middle voice. And if you're looking at me going, what in the world is that? That's exactly what I said on Wednesday. What are you talking about?
What's a middle voice? Because in English, we don't have one, okay? We don't have a middle voice. You know, I talked about the active voice. Hey, I'm doing this.
And the passive voice, this is being done. To me, the middle voice is different. This is Greek only. And what the middle voice is, is this stresses intentional voluntary participation. So you're not just being acted upon.
You're allowing yourself to be acted upon. So you participate in it, but you're not doing the main action. You're allowing the spirit to do this. So this is. The middle voice is saying, okay, spirit, I want to be part of this.
I am going to start my first. I'm going to do the first part, and I'm going to be kind. And now you work through me and make me a kinder person. See what I'm saying? That's the middle voice.
Learned that this week. I thought that was pretty interesting because, again, grammar, not me. I can speak, I can use some words. I don't know if I'm actually using good grammar or not. Paul also asks us to be tender hearted.
Tenderhearted. This is funny. Literally, what this word in the Greek means is to have strong bowels. So that doesn't, you know, to our modern sensibility, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But what it really means is, is our internal organs need to be able to put up with what's going on around us.
Okay? That's what it's really after. So it really means to be compassionate, right? To be sympathetic. Okay.
Many times those of us who've been hurt in our family situations and whatnot or in the church, we callous up our hearts. We make our heart hard, and we won't soften it. We won't allow it to get hurt again. Well, Paul is saying in that middle voice, let the Holy Spirit tenderize your heart. Let it be soft again so that you can use it and you can reach out and you can forgive and you can forgive.
So forgiving, as we talked about, it's to pardon someone. And the most important part, the key under the doormat here in the end of verse 32. Why should we be forgiving? This is something I want you to talk about in your community groups this week. Why should we be forgiving?
Because Paul says, as God in Christ forgave you, because we are forgiven, we need to forgive. See, the power to forgive others is in the forgiveness that we've already received from God. CS Lewis said this very well. He said this. He said, to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
Let me say that again. To be a Christian is to forgive the unexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. If you think about all that you have done in the past and you think of all of sin's ugliness, and if you're really honest and you're in your. I'm not saying confess this all to everybody else. I'm saying what.
When you really look inside and you see some of the stuff that you're not real happy about, you're not real proud of, right? And you think, God has forgiven me, not because I deserved it. I didn't earn that forgiveness, he forgave me and I didn't deserve it. We are to offer that same level of forgiveness to others. So in keeping with that medical analogy, this is the beginning of that healing process.
Right? Healing takes time and healthy choices. It's not instantaneous unless you're miraculously healed. That's why we call it a miracle. Right?
But if you go to the doctor and you have surgery, it's going to take time to heal. It takes time. Now, having confessed and repented, to put off the old, to put on Christ like forgiveness looks like this. Look at Colossians 3, 12, 13. Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, who compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience bearing with one another.
And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Very parallel passage to what we're talking about as he speaks to the Colossians. Let's talk really quickly about forgiveness. Now, when we're seeking forgiveness, there are six magic words for forgiveness. If you need forgiveness, here are the six words.
I was wrong. Please forgive me. Practice that. I was wrong. Please forgive me.
Those are six magic words. Right again. I already beat on the husbands there, but all of us can do this. I was wrong. Please forgive me.
That's the first step. That's the first step. Remember, we're talking about the forgiveness that aims at restoration, Right? We're trying to restore the relationship. Be willing to admit that you're wrong.
Be willing to say, I'm sorry. Be willing to repent and ask for forgiveness. Now, what is forgiveness? Not what is the opposite of forgiveness? This is not repressing the memory and stuffing it down and forgetting all about it or pretending like it didn't happen.
Oh, no, no. It wasn't a big deal. It was a big deal. Jesus died for it. It's a big deal.
Forgiveness is not just blowing it off. It's not conditional. I will forgive you. If that sentence should never come out, I will forgive you. If you don't earn forgiveness.
Forgiveness is given. It should be given freely because Jesus gave it to you freely. It's not forgetting. You're not going to forget the offense. You might be able to put it out of your mind, okay?
But it's. Forgive and forget is nowhere in the Bible, okay? That's not a biblical concept for us, okay? The hurt is real. The hurt can be real.
We need to acknowledge that it's a real hurt and it's not an automatic cure. Forgiveness is not an automatic Cure for the hurt. And it's also not impossible. If Jesus did it for you, you can do it as well. Ask for the spirits guidance.
Granting forgiveness is it's obedience. We are commanded to forgive. This is not an option for us. It is obedience. Right here in verse 32, we're commanded.
Also think about Matthew 18. Remember when Peter asked Jesus, how many times do I forgive my brother? Seven times. Is that enough, Jesus? Is that good enough?
Can I then blow him off after that? Can I close off that relationship? No, he doesn't say that. What does Jesus say? He.
He says, not seven times, but 70 times. Seven times, meaning without limit. Like, if my brother comes to me and does the same thing over and over and over and over again, how many times do I forgive him? You keep forgiving him. You keep forgiving him because you're looking to restore the relationship.
Forgiveness is an attitude of letting go of that resentment and my right to get even or ever bring it up again.
Forgiveness is something that needs to be expressed both in word and deed. When we're restoring that relationship, it's important to say I forgive you. But it's also important to make those steps to restore the relationship. If you say, I forgive you, but then you cut that person off in action, then you're not forgiving in word and deed. It's a choice to set the offender free from the debt that they owe you.
It's the beginning of the healing process. Now, here in North Carolina, we know a thing or two about hurricanes, right? We're just about getting into hurricane season. We're not in the peak of it yet. It's coming, right?
Hurricane season's coming. You know, it's funny, you know, I've lived here in North Carolina for over 30 years. I wasn't born here. So I've been told recently that I can't call myself a North Carolinian because I've not been born here. I like to call myself a North Carolina.
I got a North Carolina driver's license. I lived here for 30 years. But okay, I get it. All y' all who've been born here, that's fine. We scoff hurricanes here in North Carolina, right?
You know, we freak out if there's an inch of snow coming. Okay, we're all going to run to the store and, you know, because we might be locked in our house for a morning, right?
But a hurricane, Cat 5 hurricane, we're like, yeah, whatever. You know, we don't even bother to do anything. I don't even bring the grill in, you know, Just leave it out there. It'll be fine. You know, we scoff hurricanes, but you know what happens when that hurricane hits, right?
The rain comes and the winds blow and the rivers swell up and roads vanish. They're gone. There's no more road there anymore. Or a bridge gets washed away. Right.
Several hurricanes ago, one of the major roads that leads to my house, there's a. There's a creek that goes through there. It got flooded and that road was gone. I mean, there was a gap there of like 25ft. It was gone and it dropped like 10, 15.
It was seriously gone. Oh, man. And it took a while. We had to go the long way for a long time, right? So we're kind of used to that, you know, it doesn't matter how close those two sides are anymore.
There's no way across. But you know what forgiveness is like. It's like before that new bridge can be built, all that old debris, right, all the tree limbs and all that kind of stuff, all the broken concrete, all the water and the sand that's gotta be moved out of the way, right? And new footers have to be poured and new foundations have to start before you can bridge that gap again. See, that's what forgiveness is like.
When we confess and we repent. We're removing all that stuff out of the way and. And forgiveness is starting to pour the foundation. It's not complete restoration yet, but it's starting down the way. That's the way we go.
We start rebuilding the process. It takes a long time, right? It does take a long time to restore the relationship. But forgiveness is the first part. Remove the wreckage, clear the way.
What you're saying is I'm not gonna let the past block the possibility of a future with us. This happened in the past, but we have a future. Forgiveness is not the bridge itself, but it's the beginning. What bridge have you refused to start even rebuilding? You're just happy to let that carnage stay there?
Maybe the hurt is real and the damage is deep. I'm sure it is. But what if forgiveness isn't about going back to the way it was? It's a way to get a new way forward. Who do you need to forgive?
Who have you been keeping at a distance? Because the bridge has never been rebuilt. Maybe it's a spouse, parent, child, some friend of yours, someone in this building right now. What if today you stopped waiting for them to deserve it and instead gave them what God gave you in Christ Jesus, that forgiveness. See, the cross of Christ is the ultimate picture of forgiveness on that cross.
Jesus didn't just make restoration possible, he made it personal. He looked at those people who betrayed him, abandoned him, and mocked him, and then crucified him. And he said, what, Father? Forgive them. And he says the same thing to you.
If you've received that forgiveness, if you're a Christian in the sound of my voice, and you've experienced, experienced the grace of God in Christ, then you are now empowered to extend that same grace to others. You can restore what's broken with Christlike forgiveness by confessing what broke it, repenting of what blocks it, and seeking what builds it. Forgiveness restores what sin broke it, removes the wreckage, lays the foundation, and makes room for healing, not just in our family and our friendships, but right here. So, church, who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to ask forgiveness from?
Don't wait for the perfect moment. Do it right now. Don't wait till it's easy. Start today. Take that first step.
Let the gospel do what only it can do. Rebuild what's broken. Let's pray. Father, I recognize that there are people in this room that are hurting and there's damage that's been done. There's been relational issues that have happened.
People have hurt each other. They've said things that they shouldn't, and that has damaged relationships. And so I wanna pray for us, for me as well, for us. And Father, I pray that your spirit right now is welcome. Seek out those places that we need.
Your spirit, Father. Heal the relationships. Heal. Help us by figuring out what is causing the break, by helping us to repent. I pray that we would take the steps today to restore broken relationships, to renew those communication lines so that those relationships can function and be whole again.
Let us take those first steps to today. And if you're here this morning and you're not already a Christian and you're experiencing this for the first time, you're hearing some of these things for the first time. I want to pray for you because you can join us. You can be part of that grace filled, forgiven life just by asking. And if so, if you want that, you can pray with me right now.
There's nothing magic about the words that, that I'm praying, but you can pray with me right now and just say, lord Jesus, I need you to forgive me. I've done some things in my life that I'm not proud of, that I want to be washed clean. I want to start rebuilding that relationship of trust with you. So would you forgive me? Would you come in my heart and live with me forever.
I pray this in Jesus name, amen.